


It's All About Me!

by Sally M (sallymn)



Category: Blakes 7, Criminal Minds, Dr Who - Fandom, Magnificent 7, Merlin - Fandom, Primeval, Stargate SG1
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-28
Updated: 2010-11-28
Packaged: 2017-10-13 10:43:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/136450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sallymn/pseuds/Sally%20M
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If I joined my fandoms.... it would not be pretty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's All About Me!

  
  
  
  
**It's All About Me!**  
  
  
  


Some of us were never meant to be the heroes of the story, or in the story at all.

Some of us would never rise to the challenge, grow with the trials, learn to laugh at danger and kick ass with the best. To defy the odds or bravely beat them.

Some of us, faced with danger and excitement and a life of drama and thrills, would be much better off staying in bed, in that odd and often implausible land they call Real Life...

  


**Blakes 7**

"What do you mean we were supposed to turn left at Alpha Albuquerque???" I say.

I pride myself on the fact that my voice neither quavers nor whines - much - and that I don't ask which way, in space, is left. I need something to pride myself on after all, I have not done well by the Great and Glorious Cause since joining the galaxy-famous Blake's Eight-if-You-Count-Me-In. Locking my Great and Glorious Leader in his own cabin by accident was not a great start. And then breaking the food processing units so all we had to eat for three days was processed purple protein - and no coffee - did not help, no.

And that sad business with the frozen Betelgeusen parrot, a ceremonial alien dagger and Kerr Avon's foot...

  


**Doctor Who**

Dear Doctor

I'm sorry, but I've lost the TARDIS.

Oh, and the planet Earth.

Again.

  


**Criminal Minds**

Don't talk logic and psychology and profiling at me, Agent Hotchner.

I still think the butler done it.

  


**Merlin**

What was that, O Great and Definitely Paranoid King?

Oh nononono, that wasn't a magic potion.

That was my very best attempt to follow Ye Olde Recipe for Healthful Horsewater Wine, from the Lady Igraine's Faymous Receipt Booke. Maybe we should have guessed it wasn't quite right when it sizzled and burnt a six-inch hole in your kitchen's biggest iron pot.

Prince Arthur was very brave to taste it first, you know, and he should be fine in a week or two, when the hangover goes, the rash fades and the bowels recover...

  


**Magnificent 7**

I am a schoolteacher. I know reading, writing and arithmetic, and the Lives of the Founding Fathers and the more memorable English Kings.

Skills that don't seem to be much help when someone is needed to extricate one or more of the townsfolk - or the Seven themselves - from whatever trouble they have gotten themselves in again... but Mister Larabee should really have rethought handing me a gun and telling me to use it.

And I'm sure he will, once his, umm, rear end heals. One good thing, I have learned that one shouldn't shut one's eyes when firing, it doesn't help at all.

And I was quite right about my ability to hit the side of a barn. Was it my fault it hit the side of the saloon instead, and the evildoers - or maybe Mister Standish - had left a saddlebag carrying dynamite there?

Oh dear oh dear oh dear....

Do we really think the town is going to miss the saloon I accidentally blew up?

  


**Primeval**

They followed me home, Sir James. Honestly. I couldn't just leave them there, they were so little and there were so many things that wanted to eat them... Now really, just because your people are supposed to be scientific and/or military (neither of which I am, not my fault I got lost on the A5 and drove into another eon), but saving the world doesn't mean we can't save a few little baby whatsits along the way.

Don't you think they're cute? They might have been eaten, and then you'd be sorry.

You wouldn't?

Okay, so pooping all over a government building isn't cute, but then I don't think you'd have been much better at that age... sorry 'bout your shoes.

Anyway, they don't take up much room, even if there are thirty of them. They'll be fine once they grow up. No, I don't know what they are, but I think the Professor called them... oh, I can't recall, baby sauropods...

  


**Stargate SG1**

"Of course it's not impossible to break a Stargate, Colonel. If it was impossible, I wouldn't have managed to do... whatever it was I did. Now would I?"  


  
**\- the end -**  



End file.
